Another piece of Derelicts memorabilia nearly lost in the mists of time, discarded as just another tatty bit of typed paper. But oh so much more than that. Surely?

This bit was found by Michael Levey deep in his catacombes, alongside his own personal muscle linament recipe and an assortment of nail-in leather studs. It lists a catalogue of miscreants and potted descriptions.

They were involved in an end-of-season match in the mid 80s, an excellent advert for club social rugby. There are at least 50 names here, many still part and parcel of the current fabric of the club.

DORKING DERELICTS GOLDEN OLDIE MATCH

AT THE BIG FIELD, BROCKHAM

Sunday April 27, 1986. K.0. approx.2.30p.m. –

(Played in three 20-minute sessions )

Teams Selected from the following players

JOHN AARVOLD: Muffinmen, Dorking Derelicts… anywhere he can get a game. (G)

NIGEL ATKINS0N: Dorking Derelicts… new addition to the side for next year. (G)

+ CHARLES SALE: Back Row, Harlequins, Army Combined Services, Dorking Derelicts 85/86 Captain. (D)

JOHN BAYLIS: Dorking, Dorking Derelicts, age 65, he has lied about his age. (D)

GARY BELL: Muffinmen, Dorking: Fast, furious and you’ve got it! (D)

IAN BELL: Dorking Derelicts, position has always been uncertain; Age 51. (D/G)

FRANCIS BENNETT: Number 8, Esher, Dorking, Saracens, New York!, Age 51. (G)

JULIAN BIGGS: Muffinmen, Dorking, one of the best utility players. (G)

RICHARD BIRDSALL: Dorking, Dorking Derelicts, Muffinmen, age unknown. (D)

GLEN BRODlE: Wing: The greatest player never to have played for Scotland, age 51. (D)

GEOFF BROWN: Old Reigatians, now wants to make hIs name at Dorking, age 53. (G)

TONY BROWN: Dorking and many other clubs, 1st XV coach. (G)

* TONY BRYAN: MuffInmen, Dorking, Dorking Derelicts, dodgy shoulder, full back. (G)

MIKE BULPITT: Last game. Full back, England, Blackheath, Dorking Derelicts, age 42. (D)

MIKE CHANNING: Back Row, Old Reigatians, great friend of Dorking for many years, age 52. (G)

JOHN COOKE: Second Row, Old Cranleighans, Dorking, age 49,  lies about his speed etc. (D)

ANGUS CRUIKSHANK: Muffinmen, Dorking, Dorking Derelicts, next season’s Derelicts’ Captain. (D)

MIKE CURRAN: Hooker, Dorking, Muffinmen, still one of the best hookers in the Club. (G)

BRIAN CUTLER: Muffinmen, Dorking, BedouIns, age 49, indescribable position prone. (G)

BOB DAVIDSON: Dorking, Dorking Derelicts, new Derelict tor 1986/7, centre. (G)

JOHN DOUGLAS: Hove, Blackheath, Auckland University, Dorking Derelicts, wing. (D)

DARRYL EDWARDS: Dorking, Dorking Derelicts: Still on the run – Spain next!, centre. (G)

HOWARD FISHER: Second Row, Number 8, Saracens, O Elizabethans, O Ashtoneons, Dorking, age 41. (D)

MALCOLM GATE: Back Bow, ex Dorking Captain, Muffinmen, offered to play while drunk. (G)

GEOFF GIBSON: Wing, Dorking, Dorking Derelicts, was once very fast. (G)

NED GRIEVE: Number 8, has played for many clubs against his will, as he is today, age 51. (G)

PETER HARRISON: Prop, Second Row, Old Reigatians, another of our old friends. (G)

SIMON HUGHES: Dorking, Dorking Derelicts, easily the best player here, stand off. (G)

BUSTER JACKSON: Muffinmen, Dorking, one of Dorking’s famous players, centre. (D)

DAVID JARVIS: Barnet, Cheshunt, Cranleigh, Durban Collegians, Dorking Derelicts, age 38. (G)

GRAHAM KITCHING: Muffinmen, Dorking, Dorking Derelicts, Magic! (D)

PAUL QUADE: Forgot all about him! So he is in here out of order as usual. (D/G)

GEOFF LARTER: Played during war services 11 Group Dorking 47/48 and 15 years Dorking 1st XV. (G)

+ MICHAEL LEVEY: Prop, Muffinmen, Bedouins, Ex Dorking Captain, Dorking Dereiicts. (G)

ROGER LLEWELLYN: Dorking, Dorking Derelicts, supposed to be really good. (D)

MARTIN LUCAS: Wing, Dorking Derelicts, only plays for us because he can sing “Route 66”. (D)

* HUMPHREY MALINS: Hooker, Richmond, Dorking, Dorking Derelicts, still the best hooker in the Club he says. (D)

JOHN MARSHALL: Never could play, still can’t, might not turn up, plays anywhere near a bar. (D/G)

EDDY MARSTON: Cheerleader United Reform (Girls) 3rd XV, Dorking Derelicts, “Handy” wing. (D)

JACK MAY: Wing, age 52, Dorking, was completely overlooked by British Lions 6l/62. (G)

JOHN MILNER: Stand off, age 42, Dorking Derelicts, Hartlepool U18 (lost against Stockton). (D)

PETER MOORE: Age 40, Richmond, Dorking Derelicts, very little known, demanded £1,000 to play. (G)

ALAN O,HEA: Age 57, Wing Forward, Muffinmen, Dorking 1st XV 52/67 approx, fastest man here. (D)

PETER ROLLAS0N: Centre, age 45-50, Dorking, Dorking Derelicts, master of the dummy tackle! (D)

JOHN SANFORD: Prop, age 57, Old Reigatians, Dorking, need this player next season possible 1st XV. (G)

ROBIN SEYMOUR: Centre, age 43, Dorking, Dorking Derelicts (only abroad!) (G)

CHRIS SHEARING: Wing, Dorking, Dorking Derelicts, 25 years playing for Dorking. (D)

SIMON SPEAR: Prop, Muffinmen Dorking, why he is playing no-one knows! (G)

JOHN STIVEN: Second Row, age 38: Dorking Derelicts and a little known French team. (D)

TIM WINSEY: Dorking, Dorking Derelicts, really too good for this lot. (D)

MARK WITKOWSKI: Second Row, Dorking Derelicts, only plays if the food’s good. (D)

RON WITKOWSKI: Full Back, Dorking Derelicts, only plays if the food’s good. (D)

KEN WOOLMOUGH: Wing, Dorking, fast, agile, fit, very old and might not play. (D/G)

JOHN YOUNG: Wing, British Lions etc. etc. Dorking Derelicts, but look at him now! (G)

Referee: JOHN BAND: (will he be in all green, all red, all pink?)
Touch Judges : JAMES AARVOLD: Richmond, Dorking Derelicts. TED BRADNEY: Dorking Derelicts.
Off-pitch co-ordinators: CHRIS “BUCKETMOUTH” KANE and DON “NO KNEES” KORNRUMPF

Key:
+ = Captain   * = Vice Captain   D = Dorking Derelicts   G = Dorking Golden Oldies

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